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“It was a problem we couldn’t solve without a sexologist”

“It was a problem we couldn’t solve without a sexologist”

7 minutes read
This text is about: About the situations that prompted millennials to turn to such a specialist, and tips that helped them get rid of complexes, anxiety and discomfort.
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(The names of the heroes have been changed at their request)

Andriy Sternyuk, 26, banker

When I was 24 I had my first partner. Our attempts to have sex were unsuccessful, I constantly had erection problems and could not ‘finish the job’. Because of this, I became very obsessed with failures, each time I was afraid that something would not work out again. The girl was also psychologically pressured, sometimes saying that she did not like our sex.

Then I began to doubt whether I had any pathologies. I went to the urologist, he assured me that I was healthy. And advised to work with thoughts, to get rid of fears of possible failures.

Okay, I tried. At one point I realized that pictures from porn movies that I imagined during sex help me maintain an erection. I started doing it all the time.

The problems in bed have virtually disappeared! My partner glorified me! And I hoped that after some time I would be able to switch my attention from imaginary pictures to my beloved. But almost six months have passed, and I haven’t been able to do so.

In the end, I decided to tell her everything. Surprisingly, the girl reacted to the problem with understanding and offered to see a sexologist. We made an appointment, attended two sessions. The doctor advised to minimize the time of watching porn movies (before that I watched 2-3 times a day), instead focusing on the sexual appearance of the girl. For example, having sex with the light on or in front of a mirror to get aroused from contemplation of the process.

And it worked! In a few weeks, I completely got rid of the pornographic images in my head and began to enjoy the real process. Moreover, such changes have diversified our sex life, brought it to a new level. I only regret that I did not consult a sexologist before.


Olga Yavorenko, 22, marketer 

Last year I first turned to a sexologist. At that time, I had been dating my boyfriend for three and a half years. He is my age. Then we were both still virgins.

All attempts to have sex (and there were many of them during this time) ended in the same way: I became unbearably painful and scared. Immediately before the intrusion, I always panicked, I screamed and cried because I was afraid it would hurt me. The guy never insisted on continuing, always hugged me and calmed me down. I set myself up that next time everything would work out, but as soon as we went from kissing to “business”, the situation repeated itself.

I was literally obsessed with this problem. I read information about the first sex on forums and sites. The experience of others not only did not calm me down, but also frightened me even more. I still remember reading that with the loss of innocence, the vagina, not the hymen, can rupture. This, according to the authors, is accompanied by significant blood loss and can lead to death. After reading this, I did not let my beloved in for several weeks. I even thought about surgical defloration (dissection of the hymen by surgery – Ed.). I seriously thought I might die! It’s even ridiculous to even mention it now.

At the same time, I was afraid of losing the boy because I didn’t know how long he would be able to endure it. In the end, overcoming her shyness, she made an appointment with a sexologist. She first scheduled me for a gynecological examination to make sure I had no pathology. When it turned out that I was physiologically healthy, we began to look for the psychological root cause of my fear. And they came to the conclusion that I had read too much about other people’s experiences and had memorized all the bad stories about my first sex. The doctor said a useful phrase: “People do not write about a positive experience. But if something goes wrong – be sure they will talk about it.”

I shared my fears with the doctor. She successfully debunked all the myths. The sexologist also recommended using a lubricant to minimize the risk of injury, and focus on emotions rather than physical sensations.

I stopped reading forums. After a month of work, I managed to overcome all fears.

When it came to sex, everything went best, almost painlessly. And was it worth being afraid for four years?


Yulia Storozhenko, 30, sales manager

I started my current relationship five years ago. We immediately had a problem: during sex I almost did not feel my partner, although he had a fairly large penis. I had an orgasm only in certain poses, but it took a lot of effort. At the same time, I was worried that my boyfriend was not feeling anything either.

As a result, I became nervous, I began to be ashamed of sex. How I wound myself up! I thought I had atrophy of the vaginal muscles, or it was too big by nature. For a while, she even thought that an operation was needed to make things work.

In the end, the guy offered to see a sexologist together. After 5 minutes of talking to the doctor, I realized that my problem is quite typical, in addition, it is solved by a standard set of exercises and techniques to increase the sensitivity and strengthen the muscles of the vagina.

In addition, I was prescribed a gynecologist to make sure that I have no concomitant problems with the genital system. The results of the examination showed that I was normal. The sexologist selected the optimal set of exercises for me, which I performed daily. Within a month I felt the first changes. With each passing week, the range of sensations grew. For half a year the muscles were toned. By the way, I still haven’t given up exercising – I do them once or twice a week to stay healthy.